So here it is, another night at 11:30 and everyone is sleeping. I should be planning a list for grocery shopping. I'm not. I should get pancake batter half-ready for the morning. (should've done that hours ago.) I'm not. And my family home evening lesson hasn't planned it self yet. BUT.... I must type my thoughts out on my blog for the world because I feel it is SO important! =)
I feel the need to tell everyone of my distaste for the "Cold and flu season"... not because my kids seem to always get sick late on Saturday night causing substitutes for Sunday to be sparse. But because I get tired of the well-meaning sympathy! My problem is this... I am more self-conscious about my voice then I will usually admit. I will avoid posting videos onto my blog that have me speaking in them (now I can see the phone calls from Mom coming..... sorry, Mom!) I just don't like hearing my own voice, maybe that isn't very un-common though. And, I tire of being asked two or three times a week if I have a cold!
A brief history of my health for those who don't know, goes like this: I was born 2 months premature and was expected to be blind, deaf, and mentally retarded if I survived (some still question the mental retardation). I had heart surgery and some other cool surgeries (I still have a pretty sweet scar on my back... looks like I fought Zorro or something...) And a non-fully functioning lung (take me in the mountains... I can still turn BLUE!). There are a bunch of neat-o details, to bad I can't remember the fun I had in that life flight helicopter though. But, amongst my journey into this life, I had tracheal intubation for 6 weeks (look it up on Wikipedia). Because of this, there was damage done to my vocal chords... but a small loss considering.
So, they tell me my vocal chords got messed up. Fine. I can't scream, really I've tried. And Jeremy thinks that it is "cute" when I've become really angry and yelled because "it sounds like I'm just talking a little louder". Yes....... I've become angry a few times to the point of yelling..... I'm not perfect.
The real killer for me though is when the majority of the year, not one person brings it to my attention, UNTIL cold and flu season come around. If people are nice about it and ask me: "are you feeling okay? You sound like you have a cold." I will try in the shortest explanation possible to tell them I have damaged vocal chords and hope it doesn't leave them with an embarrassed look on their face. Today, was not one of those days. I was approached with the same question but it went like this: "You sound terrible! What is the matter?"..... WHAT am I supposed to say to that??? If I would have been in a better situation to do so, I could have told her the facts. But we were hurriedly moving a piano before relief society and I didn't have much time to explain why I sounded so "terrible". So I end up saying "yup... not feeling to good" which is a total lie and she'll figure it out when I still sound the same in 4 weeks. It is times like today that make me question what people really think if I speak to them in passing at a store. Maybe they don't think anything and it is all in my little self-conscious brain.
Ending on a happier note though, I got a compliment 3 weeks ago and I was almost speechless! =) I was at Wal-mart, my second home, and as I was checking out the checker asked if I had caught the cold going around. I quickly gave her my "nice people" explanation of vocal chord damage and figured it would drop at that like usual. Instead, she told me how neat she thought my voice sounded and she wished she could have a voice like that. She went off telling me how my voice might sound good on radio. She was genuine in her compliments and I could tell that she wasn't just trying to smooth something out that she regretted saying. It was a compliment that meant more to me than she will probably ever know.
Now I imagine that most of you reading this post will NEVER ask me that question... even if I'm obviously sicker than a dog, you won't want to bring to my attention that I sound like I have a cold, for fear I will snap your head off. Don't worry though- and really, I am grateful (at RARE times) for my voice. It reminds me on a daily basis of how blessed I've been to lead a normal life without major handicaps.
While I'm enduring Cold and Flu season and I've brought my insecurity to the world's attention now... I have a cute video I will post of Piper..... AND I speak in it!
Hmm... Well it isn't working, so maybe not..... but I'll work on getting it up here in the morning!!!
3 comments:
I still question the 'mental retardation' But your voice sounds normal to me.... maybe because I grew up listening to it. :) I find it hilarious that you lied to someone at church! HAHA. Next time you should just say "Nope this is what my voice always sounds like... thanks for telling me it's terrible!"
I can understand. I get the "where are you from" question still. I really don't want to explain the whole hearing thing. I miss hearing your voice, so you should treasure it becasue it belongs to a good friend!
I have always liked your voice! It's kind of like a 40s movies star whispery voice!
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